Oh for the love of Todd.
So, killer singing exam next week right? What does my idiotic throat decide to do?
It's gone all attention-seeking on me just cos it doesn't like pollen, so now I'm suffering from hay fever and I've been put on anti-hysteria pills or whatever they're called. ARGH.
Just as things were looking up the Gods of illness hath frowned down on me :/
HOWEVER, by some other miracle of nature I'm now rich enough to buy the guitar I want, and I may even be getting a small job after the summer doing some singing teaching :O
My teaching plans will go something like this...
Lesson One, how to avoid pollen cause you'll get fever of the hay meaning you can't even sing in the first place and and how you shouldn't consume fizzy drinks before vocalising to prevent self-explosion.
Lesson Two, how to open your mouth and make noise come out.
Lesson Three, how to make that noise high or low.
Lesson Three, turning the high and low noise into actual music.
Lesson Four, dramatic faces for performance. (including an optional course on eyebrow movement for Emma Watson fans...of which there are few)
Lesson Five, how to survive and destroy serial cases of laryngitis, pharyngitis and other such evils.
Lesson Six, the basic survival guide to choir and how you will find it life-changing.
Lesson Seven, the Mount Everest of the course.....how to screech a Top C and deal with any abuse Juliette and Ellingwoof give you for doing so, e.g. using you in Glee fanfiction or in Juliette's case, general murder.
Then all the students will get a certificate, a free packet of spearmint Polos and a video of me proclaiming "WOOHOO congratulations young warrior, off you trot into the wonderful world of Disney. Or maybe just Music."
Personally I'd do it all just to get the free Polos.
Barstow and I have started writing some more for Little Dorrit, after a rather large break...the West End is looking ever closer....HAHAHAHA.
Talking of West End, as I told Ellingwoof earlier, Lucie (Jones, from the X Factor who lost to Jedward in one round which made me stop watching it) has just been cast as Cosette alongside the curly-haired, squeaky-voiced Jonas brother...Nick is his name?
This follows news that some absolute IDIOT in LA has cast Vanessa Hudgens as Mimi in Rent....JUST WHY.
As I said, next they'll have the Bieber as Glinda or something as equally ridiculous.
It must be said though, I was really surprised by Curly Jonas, he actually sounds very MANLY as Marius...I didn't even believe it was him at first. And I do like Lucie :D
And I was very happy to hear earlier from Ellingwoof that good ol' Lauren from Hinckleyland who came 3rd place in the Dorothy programme has now been cast as Sandy in Grease :') Congratulations to her :D
Personally I don't really like that show myself, but she deserves a decent role treading the Laaaandaaan town boards :)
Before I depart however, I must lament the strange, embarassing antics of my parents, starting with my Dad. I do love him dearly, but sometimes he's so utterly stupid.
Last Friday we went off to Godspell (which was actually brilliant and hilarious and insane) and in the interval we'd ordered drinks at the bar. They were sitting on the side and this guy happened to be standing next to them with his own beer sitting next to them. Ellingwoof and I get our own drinks and then my Dad totally misses the fact his own full bottle of beer is sitting there and steals the man's drink. OH LORDY. The guy's face was a picture...
And THEN, yesterday my mother threw away my toothbrush for NO REASON, then had a go at me because she threw it away, then demanded I go to Tescos with her to pur-CHASE a new one. So I picked one up and then she dragged me round the ENTIRE shop (and it's huuuuuge at Rugby) looking for nail varnish remover.
HONESTLY MOTHER YOU WILL NOT FIND IT IN THE GRAVY AISLE.
And THEN, when we FINALLY got round to paying for it (she took literally half an hour to decide on buying a new work skirt), she gets her credit card stuck between the machine and the holder...
HOW CAN YOU EVEN DO THAT?!?!?!
The poor bemused woman on the till had to use a pen to get it out. And THEN, my Mum was like 'Oh, is the slot on the top then?' and proceeded to stab the top of the machine where there is absolutely NO slot.
Finally, I shoved her card in the right place.
She said to the woman on the till, "I bet this happens a lot", and got no reply.
OF COURSE IT DOESN'T.
Oh my lord, the embarassment. Yes, I did walk off and hide behind the trolley...
Apologies for the mammoth post, dear readers ;)
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